soliloquy

sometimes "i" feel like giving that 10rs to the beggar on the road ,but "i" also feel like saving it for my weekend churmuri."i" set the alarm at 4..but "i" also motku on its head as soon as it goes off and sleep for 2 more hrs ."i" must not tell lies "i" think,but "i" also agree a little approximation will save me a lot of explanation,"i" love watching cricket but "i" also fully realise it's what people do for want of better work...blah blah .these apparent contradictions apart..what i am trying to figure out is ..is it the same "i" that manages to come up with all these mutually conflicting actions or are all of these small "i"s part of the bigger "i".
whichever "i" it is, "i" think "i" have confused you enough.

On the right to mock..

"it seems there is something called as "abhaava vairagya" in indian philosophy, which means a sense of(snobbish and superflous) detachment and renunciation towards something u cannot achieve/u have tried and failed to achieve. most of us at one time or the other fall prey to this.the other day we were talking about how pathetic a quiz was and how stupid the quizmaster was.indeed it was a mockery of all the quizzing we knew.no doubts,but the hard fact remains we got knocked out in the first round itself.
the only person according to me who has the right to sneer on it is the winner and no one else.the same logic perhaps applies to our universities and colleges.except the topper, all of us are plain "sour".just because grapes are a little too high might not necessarily mean they are sour.
its a quote only if EINSTEIN says "schooling doesn't teach u anything"if i and u say it ..well..never mind.

Wistful Wails

when tears are shoved away and sighs betray
i wish i could find your shoulder to rest on.

when life becomes a little too serious a mockery,
i wish i could learn your laugh.

when i need to stand up and face them at their mercy,
i wish i could sense your hands clasp mine.

when i doubt myself and my words,
i wish i could feel u nodding inside me.

when the entire horizon looks hazy,
i wish i could see u beckon me from far.

when i freeze in this "cold" world,
i wish u were here a little closer, a little snugger.

lost in the dunes of vulgar emptiness ,
i sing the familiar song "i wish u were here"

You like people, who are like You.

ramblings of the the lonely surfer!!.it has become a daily ritual for me now, to hop from one profile to another on orkut,in search of someone, somewhere who will force my sleepy eyelids open,some one liner,some decent testimonial,anything out of the ordinary...and somewhere in the midst of all these, i asked myself why am i doing this or rather why some useless people like me do this(i have company no doubt),and perhaps the most convincing explanation i could come up was i was not trying to find "somebody" there, but was only trying to find glimpses of myself in others,(guess some people will never cease being a narcissist.!!).it sort of gives me a strange vicarious satisfaction when i see an ayn rand or SLB figure in their "books"; hazaaron khwaishein aisi,15 park avenue, in their "movies".all this crap about friends complimenting each other is merely superfluous. u must have a strong undercurrent of congruent interest(s)(read passions)first,everything else will be mere details(uff..).so every time u say i have nothing in common with 'x' but we are the thickest of friends,check your premises,u would definitely have at least one thing in common, sufficient enough to carry your whole interaction together.Unlike poles attract; is only true for magnets and should not be applied to the infinitely more disordered, collection of hormones called humans.

unlike humans are unlikely to attract each other.

so next time my friends act like idiots and absolute imbeciles,somewhere i know i share their madness.so PEACE!!

Being grumpy is not worth the effort...

if u ask me i have made a lifetime out of sulking and complaining,about everything,my shoes,my friends,my college,the weather around...and suddenly i realise it could have been so much more simple, so much more easy. the facade that i put put up,is so unnecessary,so uncomfortable,i have been so used to wearing the mask i have been wearing,that i had just about forgotten how i look within,its so easier to be happy. with a little effort i could pull off that veneer that so much threatened to become me. that typical disdain,that snobbish contempt for most around u,can be so easily done away with.life appears and is so beautiful if only u are willing to not close your eyes. for all these years life has not been perfect and neither will it be in the future,but then as "somebody" sent me a message right when i needed it,"being happy doesn't mean life's perfect, it only means u are willing to look beyond those imperfections" cheers!!