Trishanku Swarga

1 angry man (inspired by 'almost -a-man') cheers on 11 tired men

2012-01-05T17:10:00.000+05:30

The last 6 away test matches have been an embarrassment to every Indian watching...
The very venerable Karan Johar provided the perfect muse for me to come up with this parody(if I may call it so)...

For the Uncle Jis... in Sydeny
This one's for you

Abhi bhi hai jawani, zara si hai purani
Hai phir bhi khelna VVS ji
‘bouncer’ bhula ke, haan front foot pe aake
Karo na thoda batting ji

Abhi bas hue tere baal gore-gore
sau -sau runs pehle bhi hai mare-mare
Dekho wicket liye jaa rahe hain
Aadhe umar ke bhi chhore-chhore
Ha baalon ki safedi se pheeka kab hua hai De….fe……nce…..
Uncle ji, Uncle ji, get up and bat (Chorus :2 times in each test match)
Uncle ji, Uncle ji, get up and bat (Chorus :2 times in each test match)

Dil toh chhichhora outside- off flirting kiye jaaye
half volleys pe inside edge marr marr jaaye baby
Kolhi ko bolo tajurbe se khele uncle ji,

Kitna swing pe rona rona rona
Thoda technique phir bhi mangta hona hona hona baby
Aur helicopter ghar pe rakhna uncle ji

Yeh toh bataa hare o re o re
Dressing room jaldi bulaaye tujhe kyun re kyun re

Century banaane mein jo mazaa hai woh
‘inverter’ bechne mein no re no re

O ‘ashwin’’ jo ghumaye toh tikne ka nahin koi chance
Uncle ji, uncle ji, get up and bat(Chorus :2 times in each test match)
Uncle ji, uncle ji, get up and bat(Chorus :2 times in each test match)

Perth mein jaake kuch toh dhole dhole
thoke kyun tumhe badtameez buddhe
Buddhon se run banti nahin
Chhedenge yunhi tujhe varna chhore chhore

Haan baalon ki safedi se pheeka kab hua hai defence
Uncle ji, Uncle ji, get up and bat (Chorus :2 times in each test match)

When the world does not laugh with you.....

2011-09-26T17:49:00.002+05:30

I have a pet peeve -People don't really appreciate my sense of humour( which IMHO, is highly evolved).Now that I think of it, I can't think of anything mine that people appreciate, but there's only so much that one can sulk in a post.So, what I mean to say is I don't crack people up with my antics((My grandfather gets very angry when somebody cracks up his antiques)See what I mean!!). Nor do I have a one-liners ready mandating high-fives(Which incidentally is Chetan Bhagat's GPA :p).But I still rate myself very high on the humour quotient.(You must have seen my talent if all those brackets have not confused you.But see, that's the challenge. It must also have crossed your mind that I don't rate myself low in anything.Point taken.But will you kindly read ahead?Thank you!)

I really think I, at times, crack very intelligent jokes. I am so particular at making it 'intelligent' that the 'joke' part sometimes gets sidelined. Once it so happened that after I recited a joke, a short silence followed before a gentleman asked me if banana was the answer. I felt peeled and told him that it was not a puzzle. Once banana was out of the picture, a few among the audience told me that they now got the joke.

Anyway, I have given up on a career in stand-up comedy.A few would say I could not have done worse but atleast now, I can sit while I suck So I have decided to regale selected people only.(Most of them are too closely related to stop seeing me, you see).

I also feel that am very good at understanding puns, sarcasms and mockery. Infact I am so good at it, that I can see a pun where there is none.I can go to multiple levels,planes and languages to derive an additional meaning. I have appreciated many a speaker for no fault of his/hers.

I have also been a student of humour in my own way. I have tried to analyse why some jokes are funny and why some are ludicrous. Why some produce a smile and some others a guffaw...(I could go on... I have ~~GRE Verbal ability software~~ literary talent also you see... ). Infact even with our current capabilities, I think it's possible to build algorithms that can make computer systems understand jokes. If they can play jeopardy, they can get my jokes.

I told my friend that I spent 1000 rupees on 2 books that tried to explain why jokes are funny.Yes, he laughed.

P.S-It is not to insult your intelligence that I have italicized word plays. You can always use it to insult mine.

The 'Pretty' bias

2011-06-07T21:16:00.001+05:30

For reasons which are beyond the scope of this blog, yours truly has joined a gym and furthermore has to go there and work out daily. I consider it one of the absurdities of our'evolved' society that you drive 2. 5 kms to that stupid gym and pay them 2.5 k just so that they'll let you walk on that treadmill for 15 min or so.

Anyway, In this gym that i go to, I have a 'trainHer'. Thar's right. He has so little interest in training 'hims' that I thought it's only fair that I give him an extra 'h' and make his name suit his preferences .He is 6 odd feet tall with all the right bulges and cuts.The first day that I went, he asked me to do pull-ups.In a moment of haste (and in hindsight, a very forgettable one), I asked him how many? He just motioned me to start. All I managed was a pull-up and half-dozen microscopic movements and twitches. So my trainHer patted me on my back with probably the most condescending look I have ever received. He has watched me over these few days and whatever I have done over these few days has only cemented his opinion about me or the lack of it.

So the other day I really felt like telling him, that I am not the scum of the earth after-all and I .. well.. could be ~~good~~ above average in some other field for all he knows. Like I have cleared Vibrations in my first attempt, have heard of Kafka, Achebe .. and so on...

But I realised I would have to first tell him who isAchebe, why it is good to read him and so on... Infact to explain any so called accomplishment of mine, I would have to give him an elaborate background as to why I think of it as an accomplishment.....Nah...not worth the effort.

So it suddenly struck me that Intelligence( or in my case, the pretense of it) needs to be explained. Beauty, however skin- deep or muscle- tight is self explanatory.

So next time, you have the sorting hat asking you, ... think what you want to shape.

The Sun in my________

2011-04-19T15:03:00.000+05:30

I have been...how do I put it...amused, by people who come to sun-set points and try to catch the sun in any natural or artificially created hollows of their body.They slouch, crouch, squat and do the awkward likes in full public view just to make sure they make appropriate openings to create an illusion of the sun going into or out of their bodies depending on their inclinations. You know what, I don't think they intend to gulp / hold/ pinch or whatever action they threaten to do with the sun.They know sun is not tasty.don't they?... It'll give them gases at best. The action probably is deeply symbolic.I am sure Freud would have had something insightful to comment on it had he been privileged enough to to see a few samples. May be he would have referred to the fascination of men (and perhaps women) with huge round objects and intense desire to.. well.... do something to it.

We just cannot let them .. i mean it... peacefully pass by.

'Inspiration is Dead'

2011-02-21T19:36:00.007+05:30

Yours truly has finished reading Sophie's world and after 300 odd pages of philosophy( including juvenile humour), meant for 15 year olds, thinks he has understood all there is in philosophy. Sartre's "Man is condemned to be free" suddenly has started revolving in his head too much.The 'Existentialist' has suddenly awakened and demands answers to vague and what many would call non-existent questions.
But something like this happened after I had read a grahically illustrated book on relativity also. I stared at the distant 'horizon' but it was un'eventful' and nothing 'special' turned up. I read a couple more wiki links and found that physics( more so the popular science part of it), I understood, but Maths tangled me up. The only thing I still do is look wistfully at the Physics books displayed in the British library, every time I go there. So I have sufficient reasons to believe that this current infatuation will die down.This brings me to the question- What inspiration is inspiring enough? or whether any inspiration can be inspiring enough?

I wish I could say things like my uncle brought me Meccano and I liked it so much that I decided to become a mechanical engineer. I really wish I could. But truth be told- Beggars cannot be choosers and often become mechanical engineers.

Perhaps I am inspired by so many things that I can't get inspired by any one thing ....sort of "condemned to be inspired' I guess.....
P.S- Ironically, inspiration-challenged yours truly, had an email id - inspire-world@yahoo.com , before some pervert decided to hack it.

If....

2010-12-18T20:09:00.000+05:30

If you can keep your tail-up when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can get others to trust your when all men doubt themselves,
But make allowance out of their doubting too;
If you can cheat and not be tired by cheating,
Or, being lied about, or dealing in lies,
Or, being hated, but don't stop taking dues,
And don't spend too much, nor charge too less;
If you can call a spade a spade and
yet get the other fellow to dig his own grave out of it,
If you can boast - and have others raise a toast to it,
If you can think – or even otherwise
make others think you can do so for them;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And show those two imposters just the same balance sheet;
If you can twist the half- truth you've spoken
and catch them in a cycle of words, a trap for fools,
Or watch the things they gave their lives, breaking,
And stoop and sell them the same thing in a different packing;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and tell the winner you’ll settle it minus taxes in his account,
And never breath a word about your gain to the government;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve the different colored heads of the old man,,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "two more rupees";
If you can mingle with crowds and keep your margins,
Or walk with kings - nor lose your volumes;
If neither foes nor loving friends like you;
If you count all men with debts they owe you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of ROI -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Business -Man my son!

P.S-Apologies to Mr Rudyard Kipling ,who is turning in his grave.

Relishing the humble pie

2010-10-28T13:27:00.005+05:30

I have had a creepy feeling since a long time that life,as mean as ever,listens to my innermost thoughts and decides for some vague reason to show me the middle finger and makes me do the exact things that I feel I detest.I have an ego as elaborate as the Large Hadron Collider and it gets worked up pretty quickly .So I have adopted this strategy wherein I secretly say to myself that I would really hate to work in Google or that I would not like it a bit to win a Nobel prize for proving String theory.(For those of you who want to say it might not be possible to prove strings,well that's precisely my point !) .Though it has not worked till now,I rather give it some time.
Now the other thing that I am doing is telling myself to enjoy whatever previously I had detested.So i listen to all my colleagues now and like my work.The point ultimately is to make life loose interest in what I hate and make it to focus on what I like.

Till then every humble pie that I am made to eat is well... delicious.

P.S - I am indebted to the two gentlemen and the lady who have benevolently put themselves as 'followers' of my blog.But in their own safety and to help them in avoiding any possible public humiliation,I am not going to disclose their identities.Thank you. ;)
.

Cynics of all-weather,sulk together

2010-09-05T17:25:00.000+05:30

I have often felt that I sulk too much.My father has told it to me several times,my mother makes it a point to mention it once every fortnight.So, of late I have really been trying hard not to you know..... sulk.For about a month or so I felt I was doing reasonably well.I was getting to hear absolute non-sense and yet I kept quiet. Thinking that universe as a whole isn't that bad. I brushed aside the most wily insinuations as unintended innocuous remarks and life was pretty much ok.It was then that I met a colleague who was also giving the GRE.The first thing she said to me was"Isn't GRE absolute rubbish".If only u know how hard it was for me not to ramble on...I just managed a feeble "I don't know".Next she comes up with "Don't they treat us like some laborers at this place?..I mean we are highly qualified".That was it ...a tinge of conceit always makes people look attractive...you know and that's how the girl with the irritatingly, strong mother tongue influence, became my friend and we have happily sulked ever since.In fact i now realize most of my friends are unmistakably bound by this common 'sulking' thread.People with added disdain and sarcasm become friends i admire
I guess that is why friends are there...each individual is unique and hence a friend will give you new perspectives from which you can crib. and it's so much better to do it together...

Snide(r's) List

2010-07-19T00:38:00.000+05:30

Warning-This post has no intrinsic value in the true tradition of this blog itself.Self obsessed readers with the rare ability to read about others, stretching the limits of snobbishness might read on.

For quite a few years now,I have been maintaining a mental list of people who are more intelligent than me.Needless to say given my excessive conceit,I have managed perhaps conveniently, to keep it really small.Of course my sample space is a relatively small set of people with whom i have had substantial interaction with.Currently the number stands at 5.I am willing to concede that there have been atleast 4 more potential entrants whose candidatures were shelved only because of lack of further evidence.The system broadly works like this.A one member jury ( I ) am on the lookout for people who have managed to do better than I or what I would have done.Once on the radar,the person is carefully scrutinized for "Innate Intelligence" which is the single largest important quality being evaluated for.Innate Intelligence is characterized by a uniformly superior perspective the candidate brings upon any and each topic he discusses.Once the Jury has grudgingly accepted that the candidate indeed is innately intelligent,the Jury compares itself with the candidate in every possible nonsensical way to see if he is holistically superior.This procedure can take as long as a year to complete.It is here that regrettably, many deserving people drop-off.The procedure,is absolutely harmless and care is taken that no overt embarrassment is caused to anybody concerned.For the candidate,as has been observed,it can at utmost, lead to obtaining superficial answers to some unsettling questions about the Jury.The fact that inspite of such idiotic and ludicrous criteria,5 people have been chosen,is a testimony to their abilities.If you are one among the elite,apart from hats,you have the following (given)off to you- You have undivided attention whenever you speak.You have a backing in your every endeavor as long as it does not indicate a sudden cerebral desolation.You will be spoken of very highly to all who care to listen.You will experience an unheard amount of congeniality and optimism during your interactions.Perhaps most importantly you are free of any insinuations that "others" are usually subjected to.(If you had expected anything better,you should have looked carefully at the test itself ).

JUST A WAIT

2010-06-30T19:06:00.000+05:30

How do you ever know if you have waited long enough?..especially when it's the kind of waiting that has kept you alive.....

I have looked away at times only so that I could turn back with greater eagerness.. as if giving myself a chance to be surprised.I have won several times against myself,betting that you won't come today.

I have lost more.

It's not that i have never tried to leave.But whenever i was about to, from somewhere a cursed whisper always came and said "one more minute" and i gave in.At other times when that voice was too tired to protest, and i was about to start,all these people whom I knew apparated before me with that typical smirk painted on their faces that says"I Had told you before".(People always do this.I guess it is one of those nature's urges that they must cater to.) And I stayed... not because i wanted to prove them wrong,It's just that they are usually wrong about most things...and so I came up with one more reason to stay .

I stayed put .Firstly 'coz I wanted to and later for a greater part 'coz i didn't know what else to do.

But you don't have a clue.Do you? .It's not that you had told me that you'll come.It's I who had assumed it as obvious.May be you don't think so.I wish I knew for once.But i guess that's not necessary.All it would have changed are the reasons.

TRYing ad absurdum

2010-03-23T01:47:00.002+05:30

In my childhood,I was often quoted an example of the king Robert Bruce who was inspired by a spider to wage a war.The story goes that the king was watching a spider,which after six laborious ,failed attempts to swing from one beam to another,finally in a valiant seventh time, managed to hoist itself over.Good for the spider...but was his highness taking the analogy too far in comparing himself with a creature happily engrossed in netting the cave ?.... An undocumented clarification issued by the newly appointed, insect kingdom's lawyer Mr Barry B. Benson(of the Bee Movie fame) and Mr Ram JethMalani, certainly opines so.(you might have heard about Mr Jethmalini .....They say in India,people who commit crime go behind bars.People who commit crime but have money go to Ram JethMalani.) .In an article published in the People and Insects magazine,the duo claim they have discovered an ancient 12th century scroll- nittings by the famous traveller Archano Tsang.The scroll was found buried under the many skeletons in Mr Jethmalani's closet.The discovery has been termed net-breaking by the spider community.The scroll says that the concerned spider(now classified under the kingdom Araneidae) was actually playing a game called silver swing, wherein you try to swing between two structural elements( that are able to resist bending loads), without touching either of them.After six very good swings,the spider committed a foul and lifted himself over in the famed seventh attempt.It was this, that caught the king's eye.Apparently,the spider in question ,was visibly upset.(of course the emotion escaped the notice of the king who had already started beaming by then...)
Mr Barry felt it was unfortunate that the human race should draw inspiration from an invalid and unintentional "swing" and not the six other well executed ones.Mr Jethmalini, however tried to alleviate the mood of Mr Barry by explaining how indian politicians often swing successfully between two or sometimes even more parties without really setting foot in any of them...Mr Barry was quite intrigued by this and expressed interest in visiting the Lok Sabha.

The point~~lessnes~~s of this whole Jabberwocky is that ...you should .......Try and Try and Try again,only if you have absolutely nothing else to do.Perhaps,not even then.

Perseverance is highly overrated.It's in fact dangerous.A slight overdose can be extremely suicidal.The worst thing is everybody will praise you for it but you'll soon lose much that's yours, in pursuit of the little that you think should be yours, enduring all possible hardships on the way.

If you are not smiling through the journey,you probably won't, on reaching the end.

So choose quitting for a reason over trying without reason.

Quit,because you're worth it.

To,The Master, with love.

2010-02-26T10:41:00.001+05:30

Everybody salutes the rising sun.But it's not long before they look away and scurry to become the vulgar throng,sinking in their familiar, Sisyphean travails. But sometimes,as though,just to let you use words like,ethereal, regal,effervescent, and many others that leave the otherwise,condemned to oblivion lexicographers,gratified,a phenomenon happens.A phenomenon that rises,twenty years and counting.Rising as if there is no horizon on the other side,Rising, as if age is a myth, that catches up only with mortals.Rising...to discard nature and the possible as an old,glorified, habit.

At the last milestone ever laid,where all others have stopped of concerns for breath and muscle tear,he looks as if he is just warming up.Having already assured at least two statisticians of their livelihood,he nevertheless,gallops on .We trudge far behind him, picking up the pebbles on which he trod,to collect,to help us believe in the far, unfortunate future.

For the effortless ease with he creates records,guards them and then destroys with nonchalance,he for an atheist(or otherwise!) is the closest to The Trinity.Not that such a veneration has not been proffered on him earlier,it just happens that he has held it long enough to make the distinctions between the tenor and the vehicle,in the metaphor,merely academic.When he often places those who watch him on cloud nines and seventh heavens,it'll be impudent on our part to try and gauge the height he is perched upon.The little master may well be the fabled little star that resembles the diamond in the sky.

Requiem for the Dusk

2010-02-05T18:45:00.001+05:30

One of the many unfortunate things of growing up is that ,evenings lose their importance.Days seem to move seamlessly into nights nowadays.It's been a long time since I've seen a sunrise.It has been longer since i saw a sunset.Of course we in cities, even if we wanted to, can only see sun, about to set......Most of the times, you are in office,where the only sunset you are allowed to see is the one set as your desktop background.Even if it's a weekend,there are no evenings,there are only nights to hang out and the days to hang-over.

I remember how happy i used to be when swaabhiman on DD used to get over.It was EVENING....It was time to play.I liked summers,for the vacations of course,but also because sun allowed us few more minutes of clear vision.Long before i was taught trigonometry,i knew that the lengths of the shadows of the 3 sticks impersonating as stumps mattered.I always liked to keep a track as the shadows slanted,outgrew the crease then the pitch, till it finally became difficult to distinguish the stumps,leave alone their 2D counterparts on ground.The sun held meaning for us then.

Evenings in fact grew longer for me,before they finally disappeared.After the game,if it was time to rush back when i was 10, it was time for a casual stroll when i was 13 and time for a longer chat sitting on the cycle carriers when i was 16.It was somewhere here..between the cycle and the automobile that i lost the evenings.I guess i outgrew them,just like the slam books,the mysteriously shaped,smooth glossy pebbles, the WWF cards.....

But some wonderful memories will remain with me till the dusk of my life and beyond.

3 Idiots(1 writes;1 reads and the 1 who does niether)

2010-01-26T21:29:00.000+05:30

The other day i met my cousin and as usual i decided Bollywood was the safest topic to talk about, because it generally puts most people at ease in a conversation.He was no exception,in fact he fell right on the central tendency line.After katrina kaif he started about aamir khan..and asked me "Is 3 idiots based a lot on this book people talk about...what is it ...5.something?

i wanted to answer ..then suddenly it struck me .I asked "have you not read five point something?"

He said "No,I am not into books".

(Chorus from the background-"Oh- My- God")

People who put "text books and magazines" under the books heading in orkut also would have read chetan bhagat.But Here was actually somebody who had not read chetan bhagat!!!!.

Add to it, that he lives in bengaluru,and is in last year of his computer science engineering,i had my Ripley-believe-it-or-not moment of 2010.

It also later occured to me how chetan bhagat has become the essential reading of our times.His books are like oliver twist and david copperfierlds of this generation.(do excuse the comparisions.. but i dont think dickens would mind it too much if his books were read as much, at all).

50 odd pages into 2 states,i am rather liking it.Especially if you consider that i am simultaneously trying to read albert camus' insightful essays into the associations between the the perception of the absurd and the forsaking of life.

You have to concede,Mr Bhagat chooses his plots and curves carefully and makes sure you have smiled a few times before you put down the book.Which is not that bad ,isn't it?

StatUS Quo

2010-01-04T22:49:00.001+05:30

Once there was a boy who after watching 15 park avenue at 2 in the night, seriously thought of running away from home to learn film making.He closed the door behind him and sat on the steps for a long time.....The night was cold.Cold enough..alas... to kill the feeble fire inside.
No body would have stopped him.
No body would have stopped him had he.........

Once there was a boy who after 2 years of wonderful learning, seriously thought of taking physics as a career.He would be stubborn he thought.Physics........Gravity,Relativity,Uncertainity..beckoned...
Nobody could have stopped him.
Nobody could have stopped him,had he........
.
.
.
The boy hasn't died.
He never dies.Nor does his fear.

Frankly my dear, I DO give a damn.

2009-12-26T02:35:00.003+05:30

Sometimes you are in so much of haste to treat a wound, that it ends up leaving a stain for a much longer period.You try to hide it first,then soothe and then try to walk brazenly as if you are not hurt a bit.But you keep paying attention.Always.Thus it grows. It appears to wane,to fade.But it grows.So much so, that after a while you are not sorry that you hurt yourself,but sorry that you haven't forgotten it till now.

Neither forgotten.Nor forgiven.

May be,You don't want to forgive.You don't seek redemption but You'll not forgive.You don't wish him ill...may be because he can cause you no harm,or maybe because you have caused him enough......You don't wish him ill....for he no longer means anything to you.You just are trying to shrug off what he once meant to you. May be you only hurt yourself in the process...I don't know... it lingers,a scar,a blemish, it's alien....it's his....yet now it's yours.

Sometimes It's not satisfying enough just to ignore somebody,So,you rant on your blog to see if it helps.

P.S-Please **** off somewhere.somewhere without orkut/gmail.. so that i don't have to see your stupid smile and forwards again and i promise i'll try to forget you.

0.007

2009-12-10T19:23:00.001+05:30

2 Bond movies in 2 days has not really helped my megalomania.I am dazed and overwhelmed by 007.You know,I am as such at a very impressionable stage of my career. Having quit the sole job i had been generously offered and as usual having been disillusioned by the lot around me, Bond..James Bond, seems almost irreristable.I like him....
I have never seem in uniform, never seem him carrying files,for all i know,he does not have to even punch his card.....Of course he doesn't have a cubicle and PC of his own... but what the hell, most of the time i have seen him in presidential suites and swimming pools.[sigh].He gets super cool cars from his boss for all his official work.He travels by air so damn frequently as if they were company cabs .I have never seen him preserve his bills for reimbursement..wow and i have not even started about the gals.He just walks in..and sweeps girls off their feet onto whatever is flat and wide nearby.He, for one, has got license for many things..I wonder what is the qualification required?..Must not be much..they had once hired a milkman.!!!!!

Curse(ry) Rhymes

2009-12-03T19:28:00.014+05:30

Chubby cheeks, dimpled chin.
parting lips, teeth shining within.
Curly but few hair, very very fair.
Eyes are blue, spectacles too.
Boss' pet, is that you?
Yes! Yes! Yes!

Twinkle twinkle grizzly bear,

How I wonder so fat you are,
hidden inside the cubicle so low,
Like a manhole cover on the sewage flow.
3.
Baa baa drunkard sheep, have you any work ?
Yes sir, yes sir, three weeks full !!
One for the grizzly bear, one for the chubby cheeks,
And one for the little boy who just left down the lane.

Unclaimer- All resemblances to people either dead,working or alive is purely typographical and unitended.All disputes to be tried under the jurisdiction of Mudhol village panchayath(Bagalkote District).

swalpa OVERflow

2009-11-30T22:15:00.000+05:30

Lives indeed resemble rivers.
Many have been displaced and "displeased" because i decided to change course time and again.
I have had to meander because some refused to pave way.
I have merged, branched,no longer resembling what i was, but remaining in a way unchanged.
Lives indeed resemble rivers.
Some exotic ...some- boringly,commonplace.
some comfortably predictable ....some refreshing.
some elusive...some pacified.
some pristine..some turbid.
P.S -.I am no alien to being dam(n)ed either.

How the chemistry didn't work out ;)

2009-09-24T20:52:00.007+05:30

I and the (M)alchemist
It has been about 8 years since i read "The alchemist".I loved it at that time. i thought i'll be able to hear whispers of the universal language..over the next 3 months or so i really tried to listen to what the overgrown road hump had to say on my way to school.... the lamp post refused to talk,my bicycle remained terse apart from the occasional screech when i put the brakes and i was not able to decipher whenever the clouds made faces......the universe perhaps should have conspired harder...i never got into IITs..never found any beautiful girl sitting next to me in train....never got a totalling mistake in my favour.....
Then i gave up.
san(s) tiago life's a little less mysterious..but a lot quieter.
Anyway,last month we presented the allchemists to my brother.!!!!Hmmmm....
There's a time to read "The Alchemist";there's a time time to forget it.
It's the period between that has made that bugger coelho a millionare!!!!
P.S- I hope eleven minutes fares out longer...err... i mean better.

Past but not quite passé

2009-08-17T19:29:00.006+05:30

Too much is made out of future and it's so called mysteries....i am more in love with the past...isn't it more fascinating to think about all the time one has spent so far.... 1.19 million minutes have passed through me ...(Ya..ya i spent 1 more trying to calculate it !!) ...each one like a small ripple...small yet unmistakably potent...minute minutes that shaped me.....all those impulsive decisions that clicked..all those well-thought that boomeranged..all those where i was/wasn't/ a mute spectator.Smiling to myself, i can spend hours i guess.... it's not like i have had an outstanding childhood or adolescence but you know it has been my life..so whatever little twists and turns there are, am completely absorbed in it...
Whereas there seems to be nothing in future... nothing i can dream about....having wilfully bred a contempt for the ordinary, i have very few things left worth dreaming...and i don't feel like trying to enlarge what my neighbour has done and pass it off as an achievement..

Hence...future will have very little to surprise me...cause what it'll offer me... I'll treat it as below par or simply something that i cannot be proud about and and whatever little i want to be proud about,for obvious reasons won't be offered to me....
so i walk looking backwards however ridiculous it might sound ..each step revealing to me things that i have happened upon, rather than walk wishing such and such thing would happen to me...

Last MAN Standing

2009-06-05T19:41:00.004+05:30

it's easier to grind your teeth,bite your lips,dig your heel and take the all threatening storm of 5 min on it's head.But if it's a wind,even if it's barely sufficient to throw the cap off your head and seems really innocuos, and say it continues..an hour..a day..a week... it starts eating you slowly and slowly.Because then it's not a question of courage but a quality deservingly rated high-Patience.To be able to put your head down..stretch yourself day in and out..to wear the trouble out becomes the only option sometimes.That's why they call the last one standing..the last MAN standing.

Thus spake Apopheniac.

2009-03-01T15:53:00.004+05:30

There's a small playground or so it's called, near my place.Every evening there are atleast 50 people playing in it,forming between them a dozen odd teams...playing half a dozen different games and in that their own improvised variants.I mean they play football, kho-kho, cricket and in that... one-pitch-out...three-times-beaten-out...full-toss-beyond-the-tree-out...bowling ... throw ...it's a complete medley.One game's third man is another game's extra cover and another game's boundary.Sometimes just when a batsman is ready to face a delivery..an overthrow from the other game's backward point knocks his stump over...he mutters something in kannada under his breath and starts arranging the stumps again.There are times when a fielder gets engrossed more in the other match and misses his catch....

The ball here is perpetually in the other's court.

It's almost as if you are playing your game..but are part of many more...acting as an umpire at times...the ball-boy in others and the sheer irritant in some others..

So when my fate is getting back to it's mark for the next delivery i have time to kick the out-ball back to the goal keeper...acknowledge that the the ball did not cross the line for the other and perhaps say sorry to the fielder who was banking on you to stop the ball while u moved away .

Indeed life's a game.Yours and others'.

Yet another abuse of space. Refer below for details ;)

2009-02-07T22:35:00.005+05:30

tons has been written about love... about...

being in love..

no love..

knowing love....

blinding love..

binding love....

the PCB and of course Mat(h)e-a matics of love[err...]

I have my own views about it and will keep it close to my heart for there is neither a desire nor a need for such an indiscreet disclosure...But just this one line from Oscar wilde....

"Isn't general incivility the very essence of love ?"

take a heavenly bow Mr Wilde.

I and the two diverging roads in the wood....

2009-01-18T23:28:00.007+05:30

With due apologies to Mr Robert Frost,by the sheer power of man's procreation levels there are no paths left less travelled by now....all have been trudged...all have been laid...milestones put..probable destinations marked at cross-roads....you can still turn right in an alley where others have taken left but even for that you have to first take the highway along with scores of others in the past and hundreds in the future.And there are chances that you will still be identified by the common highway where you would think you have made a mark in the alley.Moreover the desire to take a different path might in itself be a weakness.So now that i have liberated myself from the obligation of being different, i need to treat all my choices subjectively and there you see all clarity fades.Each one is on his own there.So sometimes in winter fog reigns so supreme that you can neither look back cause its irrelevant and nor ahead cause its not possible.So however weird the path chosen may look to people in broad sunlight...there would be reasons why it was chosen,need not be right reasons..but reasons nonetheless.Each one of us will face this moment of truth one time or many times perhaps and we realise..just like it was for him...it's grey and haze that dominates and not black or white.So you need not be in glass houses to have the wisdom of not throwing stones at others...solid bricks crumble,walls become so brittle with time that a gentle breeze can bring them down .

whether it's RCC or glass it's better to keep our stones in our pockets.

"Watch"ing from close quarters

2008-10-25T06:34:00.005+05:30

some clocks can only be followed or left alone..some clocks & "watch"es can be set...some have other uses also,some will not keep u in dark...some can "wake" u up...some keep blaring.. till u ask them to stop...some will stop the moment u ask them ..some will keep time..some so perfect that u wish u didnt have that one...some will never be set... some will skip a few sec to keep in step with u...halt a few to to allow u to catch up....some would stop and you would still keep them, for at least they are right twice a day ..some will make others look at you...some will make you not look at others...some will tell u the same things in different manners.... different things in some manners...and no matter how "watch"ful you are... time passes away..before you know what you were "watch"ing

God of Small Things

2008-06-15T22:58:00.004+05:30

"i have always told myself i can be happy without u ..there will always be some sight i can cherish irrespective of ur presence , some taste i can savour even if u r not beside me,
the sunset is as rapturous....
the rose smells as sweet ....
the rain is as enticing...
the ghazal is as melancholy...
the breeze is as soothing...
the ice is as tingling... and then...
and then...i see our pics..pics where only we were there.. smiling..
smiling... at nothing in particular but in a life-is-beautiful kind of way..i try to smile the same way..i try to tilt my head as if leaning on ur shoulder..clasp my fingers around a imaginary wrist... but i cant..i can laugh more... but i can never smile the way i do when u r beside me... its then... that that i realise how much deeply i miss u"
concept borrowed "with permission"

Blogging about my getting boggled, when people ogle ;)

2008-05-23T22:40:00.005+05:30

I hate when the 40 s something man pedaling on his cycle, cranes his neck, owl like to watch a 20s something girl right around the road bend. No, i have no problem with their ages..but to me its sort of indecent to make it so obvious.. doesn't it need to be done a little more subtly, in a more refined way... of course most of us "eye" a girl a second time,not in any amorous way..hmm...(i generalize..erring on the side of honour !!) but just as u would spare a second glance at a rose blossomed in a garden..fully aware that u may never see that again..
but to literally go out of your "way" or turn 180 degrees around, is something i at least cant associate with being well-bred.agreed u have your instincts to tackle, but like in so many cases where we hold our nerve for the sake of civility,a lot of embarrassment can be avoided.
Ideally "the one watching" must be the only one aware ..or as in more general cases "the one being watched" might also be added. but apart from these 2, i see no no reason why anybody else must be made privy to this. a subject and an object are enough..(predicates should be disposed of)as i see it..its a private act done in public.
The observer in no way should affect the observed and certainly there is no need of an audience to view this experiment being conducted day in, day out

having come so far..u might as well read it

2008-05-17T22:49:00.003+05:30

u know what.. i am supposed to write something romantic today!! and am in the worst of moods to do so.Now it's not that i need a reason to get upset though, i can make trivial events substantial enough to offset the fragile balance between my getting along and sulking..nah..i have got used to it and so have a few people around me ;).i sometimes wonder if deep within i am a sadist..no its not that i love seeing people in pain or want to inflict suffering on them.. (in fact mosquitoes are the only mobile living things i can kill or rather try to kill.).what i actually mean is...if X gets upset because I am upset, i sort of feel happy..so technically i am rejoicing on a grief ..(please please dont stop reading this blog :-p)..
in case u r wondering what the F*** this is all about..it's just that i have a bad headache and not getting any sleep..so what better than banging on ur keyboard and have the gratification of immortalising it on the net.
will try and come up with something better soon,until then try the "I read " links down..people have suddenly become more productive..

Ye Dil Maange More.....

2008-04-22T00:06:00.007+05:30

IPL off to a spectacular launch,malya sets the stage.....
capt vikram batra , died at the age of 25 and was posthumously awarded the Param Vir Chakra, India's highest award for valour

IIM Placements cross 1 crore again
Vikram Batra would have joined the Merchant Navy. He was to join the ship in Hong Kong. His uniform had been stitched, his tickets booked.But he changed his mind to join IMA.

Defining moment in the history of indian cricket, hails media
capt batra's unflinching courage helped 13 JAK Rifles to capture the all crucial peak 5140

Delhi Dare Devils,scare opposition
He hurled two grenades at the machine gun post and single-handedly killed three enemy soldiers in close combat

Maliaka-arbaaz split, a publicity stunt
when asked in an media interview if he was not afraid of death.he replied"yeh dil maange more"

Rumours spread on saif -kareena engagement
After the closest of encounters with death,he volunteers himself fearlessly for one final time

Kumari Mayavati unveils her own statue in memory of her continuing service..
Peak 4875 named after the late capt Batra,PVC

Ponting disappointed over his low price of $400,00
He is survived by his parents who have been awarded a petrol bunk by the govt

Cricket-ainment hogs media
"Sometimes an ordinary Indian can make a Rs 120,000 crore company feel humble. For every step we take, there's an inspired Indian leading the way " read an Indian Oil ad in his honour a decade after his death

!!
??

To each onto his own

2008-03-29T21:28:00.001+05:30

my life has been a series of HR blunders,i detest people easily, needing no great convincing to do so..and the few i have managed to like have never felt the need to reciprocate ;)..so here i stand 22 years after i opened my eyes to this species called homo sapiens ; still looking for a shoulder to lean on, a pair of eyes to laugh with,a hand to clasp.its like what Maupassant says..i am like the statue in the middle of the market place,all around me,but none with me...so sometimes when i am walking, i ask myself if i should turn the other way and say hello to a long lost friend...check up what he is upto these days.and then i ask why..just for the sake of it ?? and i usually decide to go my way and open up my reluctant,lone, empty room.but this sunday i finally decided to turn the other way...with courage i climbed up those "hallowed" steps leading up to his room and with one long deep breath knocked on the door...
it was locked.and i saw it.it was shut upon me.and there the adventure ended.
i could have gone the next day,may be he would have been home,may be not.but the steps never turned the other way,and i have left the steps and something inside me unconquered

Indiscreet observations

2008-03-04T22:02:00.000+05:30

in shantaram he says the the universe evolves towards increasing complexity..and in that case i am supree..mly evolved.the other day i was trying to pick a pastry from a confectionery and i brooded on my choices for 15 min straight.complexity comes naturally to me.i simply cant,inspite of all my efforts be simple.i bring so many trivial variables while even making a simple decision that i get lost juggling them."U think too much" my father keeps telling me..perhaps its simple only if u know what u want...for then the only thing remaining is to get it.but for somebody who is yet to be enlightened, everything is equally enticing and equally repelling.so i end up saying anything is ok for me..which actually is an euphemism for i cant decide which is best for me.that to me is a great weakness.i used to say i am not particular about the dresses i wear,i care least about them..blah blah..but then i realised that when i refuse to make a choice,i am giving up the control of my life however trivial that part of me is,which i found entirely acceptable..for in the end i should atleast have the satisfaction of having suffered due to my own choices.

It takes one to know one

2008-02-24T22:46:00.002+05:30

it has happened to me before, a song i have heard umpteen times before,suddenly seems more meaningful,more soulful.a one liner i had never been able to understand suddenly comes alive.everything suddenly falls into place in a moment of epiphany.and i wonder then why i didn't understand it the first time i came across these , and i realise i wasn't ready then.i am more mature now.what is maturity but coming back to the same problem with greater preparedness...greater experience.each day something gets added to our repertoire of experiences.and then if u can recall... something surely becomes clearer.so what i do now is read, remember and wait till it strikes me with its meaning.all i can do is wait..but often its worth it.
i knew it was a nice line even when i first read it..but perhaps its only now that i understand what khaled hussaini meant when he said for u a thousand times over....

Thumba thanks ....demystified

2008-02-12T01:01:00.000+05:30

5 people from a mediocre undergraduate college wanted to go to "THE IIM-B" annual fest and decided they were upto it.1 of them atleast went for the sole reason that he had no chance of entering it in the near future and this was his best chance to see and be at a place where people end up being offered salaries sooooooo much.his father thought this visit would inspire him to work harder and gladly agreed and pestered him to be there from day 1.(on the contrary this lad who ended up getting 70.49 in CAT went on to tell his father that he was a tinge disappointed with the standard at IIM-B..err..lets leave it at that)
so they went and 1 of them has been made to relive this sojourn,for this small talk he had on their way to the hallowed gate
1 of them to a shop keeper(respectfully)
"how far is IIM from here"
shopkeeper-"u'll get to know when u reach there"
(for some strange reason 1 of them persists trying to bring out the best in the man opposite him)
1 of them -"what i meant was is it possible to go on foot till there"
shopkeeper-"u can go on foot and if u want, u can go on aeroplane also"
1 of them baffled by this unexpected and uncalled-for effrontery,replies
"THUMBA THANKS" and walks away unruffled(ok..almost unruffled).
now more appropriate alternative replies came about later, benefited by hindsight...but the damage had been done and the phrase struck..thanks to YOU-KNOW-WHO.
anyway if u didn't feel this was funny..let me assure u, neither did 1 of them
P.S-much water has flown under the bridge since this happened and YOU-KNOW-WHO himself had to face a more embarrassing situation and what's more heartening...he managed this without a shopkeeper.

A Flying Kiss

2008-01-26T21:56:00.000+05:30

Today was some kind of a seclusion,for me.no college,messages cost dearly..!!! so had to abstain from that,and needless to say everybody else felt the same way,and i didn't receive any either. as usual i started to think about myself,and others in myself.21 years is a long time,and add to it the 8 different institutions i went to in 5 different states, it's been one long itinerary.i wondered where that school bully atul is,that joker mahindra,that fat aditya,that 's' prerana(i don't even remember their surnames now),all lost to me now. that slender thread of acquaintance... it snapped as soon as our ways parted.am not complaining, i don't need them and neither do they need me,and moreover its even more stupid to try to sustain it for the sole reason that we happened to go by the same auto for 2 years and nothing ever since.i just sort of am curious to ask.. him if he still jerks his head while answering,if that blue friendship band is still with her,if mamta kulkarni still is his fav actress,if he still thought 'p' liked him more than me,would he blush if i remind him that he wanted to propose to 'a' way back in 6th ..if she still touches her ears when she says sorry..those little idiosyncrasies,trivial details, that made up their and part of my life then, to find in them a shared joy evoke a oh-so -innocent- feeling..all i would want to say is au-revoir and bon-voyage

HOT sympathies

2008-01-10T21:05:00.000+05:30

I was listening to FM today morning, and I have this habit of picturising/visualizing (flashes upon that inward eye ;) a la daffodils) whether I am reading a novel or listening to a song, and this was an old song,I had never heard before, it was a duet, with lata at one end and am not sure of the male play back singer at the non strikers’ (watching too much cricket u see)
And it was a typical bollywood romance song, rain song I guessed, with the lyrics being extremely descriptive.
The heroine says” my dupatta stuck to me, rain kissed me and I trembled with desire”
And then the hero says” you yawned thus and I felt …”
Now which human in her senses would yawn when she is getting soaked head to toe in rain and dancing…beats me….Om Shanti Om.
We will come back to it some other time. That was not what I was trying to tell u.
Now my imagination is not only wild but realistic and holistic also, so I also tried to picturise lata mangeshkar evoking those emotions while singing in a closed, recording room with music directors and orchestra accompanists all senior citizens needless to say.
I wonder where these singers look for inspiration. Let me clarify, the hero can actually see the heroine, feel her and therefore INDULGE himself and u know.. get those APPROPRIATE expressions, but poor playback singers!!.in order that she sings that seductive song, she first would have to feel that she is trying to seduce somebody and then go on to sing it in that mood.
If that is the case of singers for 5 min of rubbish, imagine the case of dubbing artists who lend their voice to the entire film, imagine their plight, when they have to lend their voices to some intimate scenes ( much to familiar to all of u and better not elaborated here ).technically speaking isn’t that a tough ask…

Bliss(ed) -Blessed

2008-01-05T07:17:00.000+05:30

not long from now,u might choose to say goodbye,I'll try and bring a smile upon myself then,but lets not think that ahead,while the road is so beautiful now.i try to identify the road we are passing through,they call it different names..u see.most are commonplace, some i disbelieve ,some i am not sure of,and the rest are too sweeping a generalization to make,so i decide not to look for answers,not for the fear of disappointment,but for the sheer risk of it..why worry about itinerary, when you are so cheerfully busy walking...
i thought solitude was bliss. that is, until you came bye...

a joke contorted

2007-12-25T22:15:00.000+05:30

santa-i fell from a 50 meter tower when i was five.
banta- did u survive
santa- i dont remember.. it happened long time back!!!.
when i first heard this, i dismissed it as yet another sardarji special.
but it kept coming back and only i know why..
somethings hurt you so bad, that you are not sure if you have survived it even after it fades from your memory.wounds heal,smiles return,but u know things would never be the same again.you might forget but forgive..!!!

"fuzzy" logic

2007-12-24T07:35:00.000+05:30

for somebody who believes there is a pattern to all our lives,there is a reason for and in life,life has become a series of raised -eyebrow stuff.the apopheniac must be prepared for rude disappointments.the world truly appears chaotic to say the least.but i refuse to give in..all these events lead to something..they must..(like chekhov's protagonists).may be we dont see a pattern now..like a painter who has just about begin his work..for somebody watching,not acquainted with his train of thoughts all his crooked lines and shades seem meaningless but as he continues.. "order" re-appears.may be our life's a painting that's just started.
whenever i go to the "men's parlor" to get a hair cut,and give a perplexed look for the sheer reckless pace my barber chops strands at will and what i perceive his fancies...he says " relax...i know what i am doing even if u dont".so i guess..all i must do is a "keep a still head" while he and the world "try" to make sense.

soliloquy

2007-11-28T07:34:00.000+05:30

sometimes "i" feel like giving that 10rs to the beggar on the road ,but "i" also feel like saving it for my weekend churmuri."i" set the alarm at 4..but "i" also motku on its head as soon as it goes off and sleep for 2 more hrs ."i" must not tell lies "i" think,but "i" also agree a little approximation will save me a lot of explanation,"i" love watching cricket but "i" also fully realise it's what people do for want of better work...blah blah .these apparent contradictions apart..what i am trying to figure out is ..is it the same "i" that manages to come up with all these mutually conflicting actions or are all of these small "i"s part of the bigger "i".
whichever "i" it is, "i" think "i" have confused you enough.

On the right to mock..

2007-11-27T20:27:00.000+05:30

"it seems there is something called as "abhaava vairagya" in indian philosophy, which means a sense of(snobbish and superflous) detachment and renunciation towards something u cannot achieve/u have tried and failed to achieve. most of us at one time or the other fall prey to this.the other day we were talking about how pathetic a quiz was and how stupid the quizmaster was.indeed it was a mockery of all the quizzing we knew.no doubts,but the hard fact remains we got knocked out in the first round itself.
the only person according to me who has the right to sneer on it is the winner and no one else.the same logic perhaps applies to our universities and colleges.except the topper, all of us are plain "sour".just because grapes are a little too high might not necessarily mean they are sour.
its a quote only if EINSTEIN says "schooling doesn't teach u anything"if i and u say it ..well..never mind.

Wistful Wails

2007-11-24T23:42:00.000+05:30

when tears are shoved away and sighs betray
i wish i could find your shoulder to rest on.

when life becomes a little too serious a mockery,
i wish i could learn your laugh.

when i need to stand up and face them at their mercy,
i wish i could sense your hands clasp mine.

when i doubt myself and my words,
i wish i could feel u nodding inside me.

when the entire horizon looks hazy,
i wish i could see u beckon me from far.

when i freeze in this "cold" world,
i wish u were here a little closer, a little snugger.

lost in the dunes of vulgar emptiness ,
i sing the familiar song "i wish u were here"

You like people, who are like You.

2007-11-13T22:39:00.000+05:30

ramblings of the the lonely surfer!!.it has become a daily ritual for me now, to hop from one profile to another on orkut,in search of someone, somewhere who will force my sleepy eyelids open,some one liner,some decent testimonial,anything out of the ordinary...and somewhere in the midst of all these, i asked myself why am i doing this or rather why some useless people like me do this(i have company no doubt),and perhaps the most convincing explanation i could come up was i was not trying to find "somebody" there, but was only trying to find glimpses of myself in others,(guess some people will never cease being a narcissist.!!).it sort of gives me a strange vicarious satisfaction when i see an ayn rand or SLB figure in their "books"; hazaaron khwaishein aisi,15 park avenue, in their "movies".all this crap about friends complimenting each other is merely superfluous. u must have a strong undercurrent of congruent interest(s)(read passions)first,everything else will be mere details(uff..).so every time u say i have nothing in common with 'x' but we are the thickest of friends,check your premises,u would definitely have at least one thing in common, sufficient enough to carry your whole interaction together.Unlike poles attract; is only true for magnets and should not be applied to the infinitely more disordered, collection of hormones called humans.

unlike humans are unlikely to attract each other.

so next time my friends act like idiots and absolute imbeciles,somewhere i know i share their madness.so PEACE!!

Being grumpy is not worth the effort...

2007-11-05T21:40:00.000+05:30

if u ask me i have made a lifetime out of sulking and complaining,about everything,my shoes,my friends,my college,the weather around...and suddenly i realise it could have been so much more simple, so much more easy. the facade that i put put up,is so unnecessary,so uncomfortable,i have been so used to wearing the mask i have been wearing,that i had just about forgotten how i look within,its so easier to be happy. with a little effort i could pull off that veneer that so much threatened to become me. that typical disdain,that snobbish contempt for most around u,can be so easily done away with.life appears and is so beautiful if only u are willing to not close your eyes. for all these years life has not been perfect and neither will it be in the future,but then as "somebody" sent me a message right when i needed it,"being happy doesn't mean life's perfect, it only means u are willing to look beyond those imperfections" cheers!!

Hazaaron khwaaishen aisi ki har khwaaish pe dum nikle

2007-10-21T22:56:00.000+05:30

I don’t know when it exactly happened .we are still friends.i still wish her on her birthday.we still talk.but it seems so empty, perfunctory, talking about "ram sethu issue,sharukh's next movie,and sachin's future....
we never had to resort to such clichéd GD topics and “current affairs” to escape the drudgery of silence. i can feel pauses making prolonged visits in our conversation as if each one of us is trying to turn away but courtesy keeps our mouth talking.we kill time by spilling words and sentences that have no reflection of ours’-talking of something someone told you once but you forgot because it was useless, something that you read in the paper this morning, some damn irrelevant thing.
any thing that’s not personal .
But it was different before. I could tell her my deepest agonies, darkest dreams., each time I would empty my heart only to find it full the moment she left me.she would listen to me calmly, unruffled. then she would tell me little ,trivial things of no consequence to anybody except her .i felt so strong, so peaceful during those evenings on the terrace.
something happened somewhere, I am not sure what it was, nothing scandalous, nothing acrimonious was ever said by any of us, we never fought, but somewhere there was discontentment, a few taciturn replies on phone, a slight communication gap..But it was back on tracks in a few days. I thought we had weathered a trivial misunderstanding out and all would be well. that turned out to be a gross misconception..the abyss kept widening till we felt little trace of our previous bonding. I am yet to fully understand what happened, I so much enjoyed that feeling of having someone to talk to, and being a person implicitly trusted.
I just guess we outgrew each other.I wish we came back but I know we needn’t,
we won’t.

loud whispers

2007-09-30T00:00:00.000+05:30

things i have always wanted to say aloud.to people.but never did..
will u ever shut up,
god!i wonder what if u were as intelligent as u think u are,
u r under an oath i guess to juxtapose extremely contrasting colours and show that they can be worn ...err..(my choice of words are deliberate)
the more u try to tell us what u have achieved the more we start doubting your worthiness..
do something for your sense of humour..it stinks
no kite runner is not a cartoon show like road runner.(no i am not making this up)
do u actually read all the books that u borrow or u use it for weight calibration.
if the doors of heaven were to open half as frequently as u grin,half the mankind would have got through,
the only reason we stay together is because we both haven't yet found someone better..
i might say i like you,but why tell something i myself am not sure of,
i am not going to trust u again,i said it last time also,
my genuine sympathies with all those who have to bear u..
u were so sane yesterday..how come...oh i guess u are entitled to eccentricities...
its so nice to have mutual hatred for each other...
man ..u r good except at the very moment i bank on u..
ah...the art of flattery..often used..loses charm
oh how i wish i had ur skill and u my confidence...
someday,we both will laugh over how foolishly we both had behaved.. to ourselves seperately
i wish i were sure u never will read my blog..would have been more fun then...
but i dont think about you at all..(courtesy ayn rand)

P.S-the concept is borrowed..originality to be credited whenever u feel like u r being addressed..for readers,if any

culpable.......

2007-09-25T23:37:00.000+05:30

sometimes when you trace your path back...u realise how reckless your footsteps have been,how caught in your aimless rush,
u stamped on many a foot,
destroyed budding anthills,
trampled tiny industrious ants,
crushed unheralded buds, just off the branch,
how a pompous stride cramped a dream,.........
accused of murder we may not be, but of being callous,of being indifferent,of being haughty,we all are guilty of,tainted we all are....

musings of a somnambulist.!!!!

2007-09-12T23:50:00.000+05:30

sometimes its hard to hate yourself..
sometimes its hard to like others...
sometimes its better to let the kid enjoy the candy
that he found luckily on the street,
sometimes peace has a price to pay..
sometimes the only way to appear sane is to behave like insane,
sometimes ignorance is a privilege u wished for, but could not afford,
sometimes ambiguity becomes your only saving grace,
sometimes u wish u knew what u dream..
sometimes u know..but u still hope,
sometimes lying awake is such a waste of time,
sometimes lies are so comforting,u wonder why they have to be called so,
sometimes your eyes can be so ruthless,
sometimes its hard to hate yourself..
sometimes u know...u don't have to...

if death weren't such a frightening mystery would we still want to live!!!!

the importance of units...

2007-09-11T22:51:00.000+05:30

well a "gentleman" fondly called KBS has emphasised the importance and use of appropriate units in all his problems..and i realised it a few days back much to my chagrin.
i was entrusted with the shopping part of the ensuing festivities as a preparation for future obligations..i resented..but couldn't help it...
so i went on a fine afternoon..after finishing my lab..to get hannu- hoovu..only to realise flowers come to the market only in the evenings..but nevertheless..i persisted...and found an hovamma..and i realised i had to buy 5..err 5(something)god what were the units..they were measured in something...(yards,metres,furlong..)and i i kept staring at her without speaking..she finally asked me -eshtu "maaru" buddhi...so there it was. it was called maaru...and i said " haan ondu 5 maar kodi saaku"..as if i always knew..
scene 2
i went to a fruit shop and i asked him how much was a dozen of banana..(ya i knew it this time..)but the fellow stumps me by saying.."illi kg lekka" now how the hell am i supposed to know how much a dozen weighed...which would require the specific weight of banana..conspicuously missing from our data hand books..;)
well i did manage to make a deal with the fellow..i concede a pinch of clumsiness..
but sir,it sure drove home your point...

results awaited....

2007-09-07T21:11:00.000+05:30

For years now I have kept telling myself, I shall cross the bridge when it comes. And now ,it suddenly hits me that there is no bridge. I had to build one.I stare at the huge gaping abyss and think of calling a tender to start constructing it.I realize it’s too late. I see my friends waving at me from the other side, in sympathy, in mockery. and some dissatisfied ones in jealousy,in warning.i am not sure if the bridge is worth crossing,i think... I decide to turn back, walk a little and come back running and right from the edge of the daunting cliff, take one huge leap of faith.the fall doesn’t frighten me,I know it cant kill me.i may be wounded if at all I choose to get hurt,but may be,may be I will reach the other side,like so many others and find it greener,happier.may be u don’t need to build a bridge,may be u don't need to cross it at all.will get to know soon..

optimism is the first cousin of love ---GDR

All that Remains...

2007-08-18T22:02:00.000+05:30

The court ordered the excavation at the sacred/disputed site.
to search for evidences to interpret the past.the specialists were called in.Specialists who would give an opinion as to who had destroyed whose structure first.both the parties dreaded the decision,an end seemed inevitable-precisely what they had struggled hard to avoid-an END.dig they did and soon the shovels struck something else than a stone.they all dug carefully,and whatever it was, was present in huge numbers,they felt it all over the site. and then it dawned upon them as they all shuddered in disbelief..
remains it was...of all men and women who were murdered brutally,killed mercilessly,of all those people who realised the futility,only when it was too late.
bones and skulls strewn all over,of innocent victims,of wily perpetuators,all who went down for this 'cause' sans reason. in mockery, in contempt,they lie as an ominous reminder of our misguided beliefs and priorities.

finding the right _____

2007-08-05T02:15:00.000+05:30

co-ordinating(read being present at) everyone's recruitment process without being a participant in that chaos is a privilige i have thoroughly enjoyed.the way we approach our "placements" to me is a mere extension of the choices we make in our lives.and i have found to my own utter dismay, disturbing similarities between finding a job and finding a girl.!!!
most of us keep emphasizing our resolution to wait for the right___ but a little later some of us realise that perhaps some___is better than no____.and of course all___ are almost the same.their offers are almost the same, just a few variations here and there.this desperation creeps in mainly due to the elders(HRs) who before rejecting our advances to their___ convince that we are not good for any ___ in general.most of us however do believe in these half-truths and adopt the the tried and tested strategy of "try and try and try again tommorow"until some ___decides u r good enough.that is to say try your luck from the first___ u come across till the fated ____.but..here's the catch- once some ___ selects u ,u r not permitted to pursue any other ___.(infidelity!!??).though in a lot of "other" places u can have more than one___.we are firm .of course u can have as many ___ unofficially(off-campus) as u can fend for.
theoretically atleast there is a chance of a dream ___ coming in.a dream ___usually tends to be a____,far superior in all respects,and everybody would want this dream___ but if u already have a ___u can contest only when almost everyone along with u has got a ____.therefore u must see to it that others also get a ____,so that later we can have the luxury of 2 ____(but this never happens no matter how well the economy is doing).Till then we stand by our unspoken rule one man one___.

good fences make good neighbours

2007-07-20T21:35:00.000+05:30

Hmm . . . . its going to be one long year without him, a friend who came just at the right time and left at almost the right time. somebody who was there but not quite, stayed long enough for me to remember him but short enough to wave him good bye with not so much of a discomfort, probably like a ‘paste it’ notes…u know…its always there as long as u want it but would not try to stubbornly stick itself when its time to remove it, to some one who showed me how to remain detached, and showed me how unambiguous a relationship can be, a far cry from my usual convoluted mazes. to someone who showed me once for all that good fences make good neighbors.

baptisation !!!

2007-06-30T07:19:00.000+05:30

As once more you descend
from your heavenly abode,
i beg thee with all my tears,
cleanse me this once.
i raise my arms and call for you,
pass through me this once.
let each blissful drop fall on me
and thence and thence,
wash away fear from my heart...
let sin remain i nay ask for that.
let hate too remain,
but take away that diabolic envy,
let evil remain,
but kill that traitorous hypocrisy,
let violence remain,
but suck away cruelty,
i dont ask you to aureate the fields,
but the minds.
imbue me with nothing more but simplicity.
pull me from this 'pompous' limbo.
in the redolence of those first drops,
i smell my redemption,
baptise me this once.

S-E-R-R-E-F-I-N-E

2007-06-13T23:05:00.000+05:30

may i have the definition please..can u use it in a sentence..is it french...yaa am talking about national spelling bee contest....just watched a 13 year old "kid"win it...now i watch it every year and someone wins it invariably..but this year this young fellow Evan O'D-o-r-n-e-y was different.infact different would be a euphemism,if u have watched him speak ...many feel he has developmental problems..some form of 'autism'.what the f*** he is a taekwondo black belt,goes to a music school.just won this .. gimme a break..now what i loved about this prodigy(nothing less) is his attitude..they asked him why didn't u like spelling bee contests..and he says..

my favourite things to do are math and music and with the math I really like the way the numbers fit together,And with the music I like to let out ideas by composing notes -- and the spelling is just a bunch of memorization

the host asks,immediately has your opinion changed after winning..he keeps quiet.."not even a little bit...

may be a little bit
when u were listening to that last word ..at what part did u realise u were going to win..

right when he said it

he says without battling an eye lid..he sure has some attitude..no thats not arrogance,audacity it is.now few would actually go to the extent of demeaning something coveted,they have won after so much of struggle and admist such a tough competition,either they want to pretend it was nothing...or they genuinely feel it was nothing..just something they happened to win.. he certainly looks the latter.
i dont know but somewhere i see a howard roark peeking in his eyes,may be fountain head is not after all,a mere work of fiction,or WILL-O'-THE-WISP IS IT..

Quackery....

2007-05-31T18:04:00.000+05:30

as I dragged my feet up on the stairs after yet another disconsolate performance in my internals somehow I was more melancholy than usual…6 semesters and have been through this many times before, and in fact a little too frequently for my liking. I asked myself when will this drudgery end…a deep sigh escaped my heart. I turned the key and entered into the familiar mess. I sipped the last few drops of water from the bottle and shook it to emptiness. I threw it aside not without a part of the despondency I was feeling, and it fell noisily. Am I over reacting? After all it was an internal. Yes Most of my friends would say. Though my marks have never been kind of somebody’s envy, I know at least a few would gladly settle for it. Somehow the kind of nonchalance and imperviousness I bank on eluded me today. This was not a question of today perhaps; it was a symptom of a more deeply rooted unease, a reluctance to accept the present in dangerous connivance with stubbornness, an inertia vehemently resisting change. I try to pull myself off this superficial, self-inflicted gloom, by deafening it with loud music, drowning it with perfectly frivolous activities and diverting it to something else... Something that’s less tasking, less meaningful. The symptoms subside the disease persists. They’ll keep gnawing within until I have the courage to uproot rather than prune, they’ll feed on my cowardice and comeback stronger. Until then from my side.. Godspeed !!

Amen...

2007-05-23T00:15:00.000+05:30

someday i'll kneel before u
& make bare confesions
until then, bless my silence

someday,while u walk alone,i'll
come and hold your hand
until then, bless my absence

someday i'll hold u
by my arms before u trip,
until then, bless my blindness

someday i'll show u
all riches of the heart
until then, bless my poverty

someday i'll ask u
to forgive me
until then, bless my cowardice

someday i'll not
bid u farewell so abruptly
until then, bless my helplessness

indelible stains....

2007-05-19T21:38:00.000+05:30

there are these small,seemingly trivial moments in life that get permanently recorded in "hidden" cameras.like bookmarks left admist the pages of life itself. somehow never managed to forget them. yet i know it was nothing significant (it was not intended to be that at least)..a phrase uttered, a glance stolen,a gesture..they are quicksands of my past. i might have crawled through them.. but some part of me is still buried there.i carry these everyday.. reliving them with the same intensity each day....these r not moments of joy or victory of grief but something more..something that stands as a culmination of a lot of choices i made..if i put together all these snaps perhaps i would get a very clear picture of how i have lived my life. the signpost might be wrong but the billboards are not.

It is on momentous ocassions that life is revealed but it is in small moments that life is understood.

i rejoice...

2007-05-13T23:53:00.000+05:30

when i first met him he seemed too perfect..just what i thought somebody should look.i wish i were like him.then i actually met him,saw him closely from a distance, too afraid to approach.shed the fear slowly,the wall was never broken,but i managed to peek over. the more i got to know him the more i became disillusioned.oh he is not so perfect afterall..he lies,he flatters,he mocks,he stammers,he feigns knowledge,he gets tanned.he was actually like me!!.no. not yet!. the last nail in the coffin was when he tried to impress me (there was no need).that basically is insecurity...isn't it.of course i tried to read between lines but somehow i know i am right.now what i think of him is no consequence to him,and purely my perception.but somewhere i stopped hating myself...somewhere because of him i signed a truce with my weaknesses.

room for life

2007-05-06T23:30:00.000+05:30

my life is a little like my room.. always messed up, every time somebody "important" is supposed to come i try to push the filth under the cot. only to hide it. never making an effort to remove it.so each time there is more dirt, more waste.. then it starts to stink and all my efforts to hide come to nothing. i cant shove the smell off.i suffer it. too afraid to look to afraid to start.my life is a little like my room .. shantaram lying on top of a certain JBK das.each time i pick up one i miss the other. an empty pen stand ,a 2006 calendar marked with a time table to study mocks at me on my table.i see my comp shrouded in dust.. a guitar waiting for salvation...
today i cleaned my room it 'appears' better.someday i must start cleaning my life..
my life is a little like my room sumptous yet belittling

the dog knows not its a dog

2007-04-30T00:36:00.000+05:30

like a dog that gets caught in the middle of a traffic,running helter skelter, escaping each colission by a whisker,and lands up on the footpath at last, relieved to be alive,too happy to be breathing..and then realises it is on a new road ,a road it had never seen before,a strange new road.too afraid to trace back, it..it decides to take the new road ..until the next traffic comes.
i live..nay i just survive.

one hour @cobbler's shop.

2007-04-20T21:11:00.000+05:30

Perhaps a cobbler working on a torn shoe is the best example of life in its full brutality, blunt and true. the despondency with which the “customer” throws his slipper, the alacrity with which the cobbler takes hold of it in his both hands as if a doctor were checking his patient for injuries, the stingy and ruthless bargain that follows for that extra rupee, the reluctant concession, brimful of contempt. a fistful of disdain. a demand to sew it in black thread to avoid detection, his wry smile. his trembling hands pierce the worn out sole,as I watch detached.he tucks the flagging leather in,i watch.he finishes his operation and places it near my foot.i wear hand him a coin and just when i turn and get ready to lose this small stop in the midst of more important and significant events i hear a voice "maga joda sari hoythaa"(son,does the shoe fit properly")i nod my head dumbly and whizz past as my engine screamed at the top of its voice.

an ode to greatness-MN

2007-04-04T07:07:00.000+05:30

yesterday happened to be MN's birthday.i wish i had his no.wanted to tell him that he shaped our lives,kindered thousands of souls like mine.i usually dont confess influences but boy,he has changed me rather made me,i seriously dont know where MN ends and i begin in my life.he taught me how to think.what amazed me was his versatility i have seen people brilliant in their domains but the universe is his domain.talk about literature,medicine,sociology..u name it he knows its depths. his sense of humour is outstanding,and those were not cheeky remarks or pjs he made but his masterful play with words and stupendous analogies that made us laugh.he had his own analogies for everything.hysteresis curve-totapuri mango,simple kuduk motion(shm).....
if u have lived in mysore and not listened to him u have missed something.long back niki had written something about good teachers,i didnt know how to reply to it then but now i realise ..perhaps a great teacher is one who can make his absence felt long after u have passed out from his classes, when u exclaim i wish he were to explain this...u know u have met one

Zahir....

2007-03-31T00:48:00.000+05:30

Zahir in arabic means all consuming,a thing that occupies our every thought,until we can no longer think of anything else.i personally felt this was a trait of weakness,to allow something to overwhelm u in either thought or emotion was to me an equivalent of impotence.I AM GREATER THAN ANYTHING THAT CAN HAPPEN TO ME i wrote on my message board in all audacity.but once again life decided to prove me wrong.a seemingly innocous 'thing'brought me on my knees,made me do things i had derided with all zest,made me stoop to insanity and yet it seemed the most appropriate thing to do then.yes it consumes everything including logic
but there was an exotic joy in that state, a sense of purpose,a feeling of 'agape'in that mesmerisation.
when it finally chose to end itself despite my desperate clinging to it,all it left behind was emptiness,but for a revelation
an unequivocal,consummate passion(insanity)
v/s
an addled pedantic logic

a haunt

2007-03-14T23:07:00.000+05:30

i had heard only the 
first two lines of this awesome song  on radio in a bus.
ever since then i wanted to
listen to  this song..
i dont know how its possible to pack 
so much meaning in so few a sentences.
poetry does enjoy such powers but this is sublime.!!!!
try listening to this song.the music only adds to the charm.
i have nothing much to say i am in
complete raptures.

tujhase naaraaz nahi zindagi, hairaan hoon main
o hairaan hoon main
tere masoom savalon se pareshaan hooN main
o pareshaan hoon main

jeene ke liye socha hi na tha, dard sambhalane honge
muskuraoon to, muskurane ke karz utaarne honge
muskuraoon kabhi to lagata hai
jaise hontonn pe karz rakhaa hai
tujhase ...

aaj agar bhar ayi hai, boondein baras jaayengi
kal kya pata inke liye aakhen taras jayengi
jaane kahan gum kahan khoya
ek aansu chhupake rakha tha
tujhase ...

zindagi tere gum ne hamain rishte naye samajhaye
mile jo hamain dhoop main mile chhaanv ke thande saaye

the virtue of frivolity

2007-03-05T21:40:00.000+05:30

success and purpose have been preposterously exaggerated in our lives.u have to win,nay you have to win outstandingly.you must have a goal in life,aim nay a precise aim.i have often asked myself whether some aim is better than no aim at all whether we must succeed because we must live or we must live because we want to succeed!!.either path does not make sense to me.
life they say as such has no meaning its u who give it some.why bother then. why is it wrong to live life just the way it is- meaningless, devoid of purpose,where the only thing i want is to breath this second.nothing beyond.why is it wrong to be 'content 'with very little things in life.why go in search of knowledge,wisdom enlightment...your having read gorky,pushkin,emerson,blake means nothing apart from satisfying your ego of having done something that the world thinks is good. we are born with some instincts like hunger,trying to avoid pain,..(these might be difficult to get rid of so its better we stick with them).why complicate things by adding more to our list.why is it bad to live like animals,they do so less harm.
perhaps its not that easy.but its worth a collective try.

an insipid kiss

2007-02-27T22:18:00.000+05:30

ever heard of bitter sweet....i always wondered how that could be but that was until i realised it a few days ago...like a hug that does not quite warm you,an applause not quite meant... an insipid kiss.thats all sometimes i am left to stare at a qualified success.perhaps i am being too finicky and conceited because what was jubiliation suddenly turns into a sigh.life has this queer habit of balancing joy with pinches of sadness and grief with silverlinings.though not altogether undesirable,i sometimes wonder if it cannot be otherwise.atleast we could savour one thing completely . thats why we niether no what is pure elation nor what is sublime grief.i say this because ultimately grief is just another feelng and is ephemeral as anything else.whether we realise this when we are under its spell is another question.
some day i would like to feel uncorrupted joy and someday unadulterated grief.
of course its cause and effect but in the necessity with which one follows the other lie all the misery of life-somerset maugham

hanging on in life

2006-10-13T19:57:00.000+05:30

for those of u who dont know the the story of trishanku.....
he was a king who wanted to go to heaven alive!. with special yagnas he is sent ,til the doors of heaven but is refused entry and pushed down.but due to his guru(vishwamitra)'s powers his fall is halted and ends up suspended in between.the story goes on with a new heaven being created for him and at the end he being offered permission in heaven.(original)
now what this story has got to do with my blog is i just love the story.i admire the audacity of the man who dared what no one had even dreamt of.u may accuse him of being hedonistic,but i see him as a man who chased his dreams until they relented and became his present.a man who had the best of both the worlds.